Operation: Save Rachel Berry
by noteinabottle
Summary: Something is wrong with Rachel Berry, and the Gleeks are determined to help.
1. Prologue

**Author's note:** This is just the beginning, like some background to the real story. Subsequent chapters will be written in the various Gleeks' POV. Please comment on the idea, and any requests for any characters are welcomed!

Something was wrong with Rachel Berry. She and Finn had ended their relationship a few months back and her friends had thought that she was beginning to show signs of tremendous recovery for someone with a broken-heart. But they were positive she had lost her mind the minute she walked into Glee on the first day of their final year.

Looking back, no one had been able to contact her at all over the long summer holidays. Glee was on break, and effectively so were the Gleeks' friendships. Santana had made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with all that "bat-shit-crazy" when they were on holiday and everyone enjoyed a period of freedom from the tight clutches of Rachel Barbara Berry. They held multiple parties in the first two weeks, each time at a different person's house. They split into their usual "popular" and "unpopular" groups and simply enjoyed each other's company and the familiarity that they sorely missed when they had to mix. Then came the annual "Glee Club Party" that everyone received invitations for. As they were making their way to Mr Schue's place, Mercedes began complaining about how she didn't want to have to put up with Rachel Berry and all her speeches the whole night, while Quinn stated that her turning up was going to spoil the whole party to which received nods from the others in the car. They filed out from the black sedan, dreading the sight of a certain Berry sitting ram-rod straight on the couch.

"Hello Rachel and _yes_ I did prepare something vegan for you so you don't-"

Mr Schue looked up to be faced by the grinning faces of the rest of the Gleeks. So it wasn't Rachel Berry at the door. That was weird, he voiced out, that they should be earlier than a certain brunette for a Glee-related activity. The cheerleaders however, simply shrugged and demanded that the party got started. No one payed any attention to the missing girl until Kurt showed up and demand that he spoke to Berry immediately. And that was when reality hit them.

Rachel was not at the party.

Rachel fucking Berry who was 100% crazy and 300% talent was not here, not at an event that she usually turned up for and made vegan cookies and cupcakes that everyone loved (but would never admit) and suddenly the whole room felt a hell lot emptier. Kurt simply stared wide-eyed like they'd all grown horns on their heads or extra eyes and whipped out his phone and dialed her number with a quick flurrying of his manicured fingers. The phone rang, once, twice, thrice. No one answered. This was starting to freak the Gleeks, and even Mr Schue, out. If there was anything they had learnt about the girl, it was that she placed Glee as third priority, below family and school work so unless she was failing (which was unlikely because it iwas/i summer vacation now) or something had happened to her family, she wouldn't miss this party for the world, they even recalled a time when she had a 40-degree high fever and still turned up, animal jackets and knee high socks, in all her Berry-glory, and strutted into the house, only to be ushered out again by Mr Schue wearing a mask. Kurt was biting his lower lip, and pacing back and forth in front of a clueless Blaine.

"That girl. I knew there was something wrong with her when-" his hand flew to his mouth, eyes wide, staring from one person in the room to the next. Finn's eyes narrowed dangerously. Rachel may be his ex-girlfriend, but she's still his friend and he didn't like it when others knew more about her daily activities than he did. Kurt chuckled nervously at the taller boy, stalking towards him the way a tiger would its prey, if you could call Finn Hudson a tiger. Puck had on his serious face and everyone knew that you didn't mess with the Puckerone when he was angry. Sam looked curious, not in an entirely good way, and Kurt was surprised to find that the blonde jock cared for Berry; he made a mental note to ask her about it later. Even the Cheerios had the decency to look concerned.

"Spill it fairy boy," Tina growled, low and predatory. What was with him and animalistic descriptions today? Kurt gulped, suddenly feeling the urge to tuck his tail between his legs and run, and that's just what he did. The room watched as a flustered Kurt rushed out of the room, Blaine chasing after the boy. Finn scrunched his eyebrows together, thinking hard. Envy flashed through Quinn's eyes, before she was next to him whispering soothing words into his ear. Lauren was staring weirdly at Puck, while Santana looked pointedly at Sam. Brittany was worrying her lower lip as Artie tried in vain to calm her down, Tina and Mercedes were busy on their phones, no doubt trying to make Kurt spill his little secret, while Mike just looked bummed out on the couch. Everyone was trying to put two and two together, while Mr Schue looked genuinely worried for the smallest brunette. The party ended earlier than intended, each Gleek formulating various scenarios in his or her mind, trying to think of possible reasons for the missing Berry.

That was only one of the many incidents where Berry failed to show up. She didn't go for any shopping trips, she was never online on Facebook, her videos stopped going up on MySpace, she didn't answer any phone calls or texts; to the Gleeks, Rachel Barbara Berry was as good as dead.

So boy were they glad to know that she was in school on Monday. Brittany had plans to bound up to her and envelope her in a huge hug, while the jocks in Glee (namely Puck) swore openly to never slushie her if only she never does this again. Even Mercedes and Tina were glad to know she was in school and confessed that they indeed missed those little Tony speeches she delivered on impulse. Everyone waited in anticipation for Glee, where they could corner and question the hell out of her.

School passed by way too slowly for their liking and finally Glee came. They entered the room, expecting to see the brunette sitting in the front of the class, prim and proper and tutting at the rest for coming in late. The room was empty however, and Mr Schue came in ten minutes later to find everyone staring at the empty Berry seat. She wasn't one to be late. She was never late. Thirty minutes later, Puck swore he was going to take a search party out and look for the missing girl when a tiny knock was heard on the door. Then the wooden door swung open to reveal Rachel Barbra Berry, missing person for the past few months. Everyone just gaped at her. Someone even choked mid-drink. She had cut her long lucious hair into a boy-cut, the hair that she had been so proud of, all cut off into a simple crew-cut. She was wearing skinny jeans and a simple polo t-shirt that hung loosely off her small frame and the Gleeks mentally noted that she had lost quite a few pounds. But not in a good way unfortunately. She looked too thin for comfort, her cheek bones accentuated, eyes sunk in more than usual. She had lost her usual Berry confidence, and the girl standing, shifting nervously from one foot to the next might as well be a kindergartener.

Kurt chose that moment to rush in and envelope the small girl into a huge hug, wide smile immediately fading as he took in the sight of her. She flinched at his touch and attempted to scoot as far away from him as possible. Tears filled the boy's eyes, and his voice was all choked up as he spoke. "What...what happened?" he whispered, so brokenly it hurt. Finn had to tear his eyes away from her, only to face Quinn whose own eyes were brimming. Brittany whimpered quietly and buried her face into Artie's shoulder, Santana running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm her down. The Latina herself was gripping tightly onto Sam, knuckles turning white from the force with which she was gripping. And all the while, Rachel simply stared down at the floor, not daring to look up and meet anyone's gaze. She shuffled slowly to the closest empty seat, a considerable distance from the rest of the club and sat down, hands placed neatly on her lap and silent. Mr Schue took this as the cue to continue and asked the room for any suggestions they might have for regionals. Rachel remained surprisingly silent throughout although Mr Schue made some obvious errors in an attempt to make her speak up. She didn't clap along or sing when some of the Gleeks did song presentations, and didn't so much as smile at any of the lame jokes Puck make in an attempt to lighten the mood. She looked like the living dead, and the Gleeks felt awful just being in the same room as her.

"Look Manhands, if this is one of your ploys to get us to feel bad, it's working ok? Now quit messing around with us," Santana hissed out. Hurt flashed through her eyes and they filled with tears, Santana taken aback by the sudden fragileness of the once proud and unstoppable girl. Mercedes hissed cruelly at her before moving to hesitantly putting a comforting arm around the smaller brunette. She jerked at her touch and quickly stood up, glancing once at the clock through downcast eyes. "Sorry Mr Schue," her voice barely a whisper. "I think I need to go."

A curt knock sounded on the door and in came Jesse St. James. Puck snarled at the curly haired boy. "Get the hell out of here. If you hurt Berry, I'll rearrange your face." Jesse glared at Puck, intimidating him more than he should be able to and walked quickly to Rachel. The Gleeks watched in shock as he put an arm around her small frame, enveloping her entirely. She didn't flinch away from him the way she did with her friends, instead she leaned into him, moving her arm around his waist, and sighed in obvious comfort and familiarity. The two walked slowly out of the classroom, Jesse being so gentle with her that it painfully reminded the rest of how broken the girl really was.

The Glee kids were shocked and confused, but each of them knew for sure, they would find out what happened to the small brunette and hopefully help her come around; they needed her, all of them did. And Glee ended that day with each member plotting various schemes in their heads, and hoping that at least one of them would work.

Operation: Save Rachel Berry was a go.


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **This chapter is mostly Jesse St. James' views and thoughts and all that. Haters, I apologize. Once again thanks to all who favourited the story but please review! I want to know what you think of it (:

She turns up at his doorstep one fine summer morning. He knew it was her from the way she rapped quickly on his door, as though not wanting to be heard or seen by others. What surprised him was that she would even be there, considering what he had done to her earlier that year.

_Do it. Break it like you broke my heart._

He feels that familiar wrench in his chest and he knows that it's his conscience tormenting him again. His fingers slip as he tries to grab the door knob. Strange, is he nervous? His hands are shaking, his breath coming out in short gasps and his heart is thumping faster than usual. He can't remember what it feels like to be nervous, he barely remembers the last time he felt it. The second time he grabs it, it swings open easily, creaking slightly on the hinges. He'll have to remember to oil it later.

And then she's standing there, sporting a pair of loose sweat pants and a simple shirt that seems too large for comfort, or maybe she had just gotten smaller, and a simple pair of converse sneakers. The hair which he used to run his fingers through was cut, shorter than he had ever seen, and there were dark eye rings surrounding her eyes, obviously caused from a lack of sleep. His heart wrenches yet again. If he knew she would turn out like this, he would have stayed by her side, even if his friends had goaded him on.

"If you think it's because of you, you're wrong."

He doesn't recognize that voice, but yet he does. That cold, scratchy sound emitting from her pale lips are foreign to his ears, and this sound begins to cover his memory of the first time he sang with that voice. _No._ he thinks. _That isn't Rachel Berry._He has half a mind to close the door and rush to his room, cover his ears and scream, but he stays there, rooted to the floor, staring at her blank eyes. Rachel Berry. He repeats it like a mantra in his head as she shifts from foot to foot, wringing her too skinny hands awkwardly.

"There's a Glee party today. I was hoping to hide here till it's over."

Without processing her words, he finds himself nodding, stepping to the side to allow her into his place. She easily slips off her shoes and ventures quietly into the house, glancing quickly around before settling herself on the sofa. He moves silently and sits near her; not too near for fear of scaring her. It was this same scene that he had pictured in his head time and again but yet it was different. He had always imagined facing a strong and furious woman, who would be yelling angry accusations at him, only stopping when he movd forward to hug her and kiss her senseless and suddenly, she would realize that she actually loved him as much as he loved her.

But here was a broken little girl, scared and lost and he didn't know what to do. For onec in his life, Jesse St. James really did not know what to do. He tests the waters, moves his hand to rest gently on top of hers and lets her hold him. Her hands are cold, and at first she flinches slightly, but doesn't push him away. Slowly, she leans in towards him, and as her head reaches his chest, she breaks. A heart wrenching sob emits from her lips and tears run down her face, soaking his shirt. He doesn't ask her what's wrong, he simply holds her and let's her cry, his heart wrenching once again and he wishes that for once, he hadn't left her. He would hold her and whisper in her hair and draw soothing circles on her back and she would smile at him and tell him that she loves him. And he would say the same thing back. But now they sit in silence, her sobbing into his chest, and he watches as her tears form patterns in his shirt, moving slowly and creating bigger wet patches. Creating a bigger hole in his heart.

They fall asleep that way, her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. When the sun shines through the half open curtains, he wakes and she stirs.

"I wish I were beautiful."

He hears her silent wish and wants to tell her that she already is. But she simply shifts slightly and moves one arm over his waist.

"I hate myself for hurting all of them. They hate me. I deserve to die."

Jesse's heart nearly stops and he has the sudden urge to puke. All of the previous day's food and maybe even his heart. Doing that would hurt much less he supposes. He doesn't realize he's gone all stiff until she looks up and offers him a smal smile. "I'm sorry I hurt you with Run Joey Run. You didn't break my heart as badly as I broke yours." He stiffens even more and feels all his anguish well up in him, coming out in hot angry tears. He hates himself, and here she was apologizing. He doesn't deserve her apology, and she doesn't deserve to hate herself. He smiles however, a small weak smile that he hopes shows how much he cares.

"Well I guess that makes two of us. I hate myself just as much."

She simply buries her face in his shirt as he wraps his arms around her. The two stay like that until her dads call, and he drives her home afterwards. They spend the rest of the summer together. And Jesse is more than determined to piece her back together. He needs Rachel Berry, whole again. He knew how difficult it was going to be, but he wasn't giving up.

—

Name: Rachel Barbra Berry.

Age: 16.

Diagnosis: Depression, resulting in Anorexia.

Prescribtion: Anti-depressants, take twice daily, and whenever symptoms of depression act up.

Others: Target weight is 38 kg in one month. Current weight is 35 kg. To return weekly for check-ups.

—

Jesse regrets the moment he sees those scars. Long cuts that run deep through her flesh, line after line slashed viciously and repeatedly. There seemed to be no purpose, no reason, just self inflicted harm to take her mind off the emotional pain way deep within. She subtly pulls her long sleeve down, and refuses to meet his gaze. He pretends as though he sees nothing and calmly pulls her towards him, wrapping his arms around her protectively. She finds comfort in his embrace, and she relaxes as he hums sweetly to her. An unfamiliar tune, something he remembered his mom sing to him when he was younger.

He wants to ask her if she's contemplating suicide.

But he doesn't, and watches as each breath she takes causes her whole body to move with the rhythm, and he can't help but notice the ribs poking out harshly against her shirt. He closes his eyes and fights down his burning curiosity. What they had now was too delicate to break, and such a question might spark off a reverse reaction.

So he simply holds her and continues humming softly, never wanting to let go.

—

The first day of school arrives too soon and he cringes inwardly at the thought of her having to face those she had been avoiding all summer. He drives down to her place to pick her up, and only offers a curt nod to her two fathers, who still did not believe that he had no exterior motives for this. He catches Leroy Berry asking her if she wants him to send her to school instead and he holds his breath. She shakes her head and begins walking to her car, slowly but surely and he sighs in relief. She trusts him.

"I could easily hurt you again you know."

He closes the door softly and slips in through the driver's seat. He is afraid of what he'll hear next, _I know. I should probably leave now right?_

"But you haven't. And I deserve all the pain anyway."

He swallows and glances at her through the corner of his eye. It hurts all the same, and perhaps even worse than what he expected. He wants her to fight back, say that he doesn't deserve her (which he is positive of without a doubt), but he instead simply holds her hand and moves the car out of the driveway. The ride to school is silent, as is their usual routine, and they reach McKinley High all too soon. They sit together in his black sedan and watch as kids move in and out of their cars and into the school. They wait and wait until the parking lot is emptier before she gently releases his hand and offers him a small smile, a ghost of the smile she used to wear. He smiles back what he hopes is an encouraging smile when all he feels he sports is a grimace. He watches her slowly retreating figure get swallowed up by the giant glass doors that leads to her personal hell, and he wishes that summer could've lasted longer.

Glancing once at his watch, he realizes that he's been sitting there since school started, and now it was time for Glee. His grip tightens on the steering wheel and he takes deep breaths to calm himself. They wouldn't hurt her would they? He hoped not. Who cares if they made her feel like she belonged? They made her hate herself. And now... He glances at his watch again. Her appointment today is at three and Glee began at two. He wishes and wills time to go faster and sits there tapping his foot impatiently. Finally, the time arrives and he walks briskly into the school and down that familiar hallway he and she used to walk down together. He vaguely remembers the feeling of having her on his arm and walking down the hallway together; for once in his life, he truly felt like he owned the world.

He knocks curtly on the door and steps in, not bothering to wait for an answer. One day of school apart from her seems far too long for him to bear. He looks straight at her and realizes that her eyes are filled with tears and she is evidently on the verge of a breakdown. Damn. He should've never trusted those asses to take care of her. They were a bunch of people who had bullied her since she first came in, why would they be nice to her now?

"Get the hell out of here. If you hurt Berry, I'll rearrange your face."

He glares at the owner of the voice. Noah Puckermann, otherwise known by his nickname, Puck. Biggest bully in Lima, first one to initiate the slushying that was now a tradition. Slushy Rachel Berry. He hated him for that, and what fucking right did he have telling him where to be and where to go? Jesse was the one there for Rachel when she cried, Jesse was the one who had spent the most time with her over the summer, Jesse was the one who took care of her through it all. But deep inside, he knew how Puck was right about him hurting her but that didn't matter. All his anguish and frustration at these people in the room showing evidently on his face as he glares at the mohawked boy who flinches in return. A grimace plays at the corner of his lips. He's been dying to do that for so long.

Wrapping an arm around Rachel, he feels her lean into him, and he smiles, geniunely this time. He ignores the pointed glares of the other Glee kids he can feel burning holes in the back of his head and he simply walks out with her in his arms and it feels right. He can only hope to help her get better, because something like this isn't easy to rectify, especially since he was one of the causes for her emotional death.

He holds her hand all the way to the hospital and never lets go.


	3. Chapter 2

**A huge THANK YOU to all comments and favourites and alerts, hope to see more reviews coming in for this chapter! Enjoy!**

If anyone had asked Sam if he was friends with Rachel Berry, he would've laughed it off and told them that the two barely spoke five sentences since they first met. He had never really hated her the way Quinn and Santana did, but he didn't like her the way Finn did either. That was too...intense in his opinion. He barely even knew her after all.

It was on the day that Quinn and Finn came clean that she first approached him. They were two broken-hearted people and she had stopped him saying that "We should be two friends that are bonded under similar circumstance and mutual understanding for each other". They spent many lunches and after-schools together after that encounter, just talking or doing friendly-things that helped take their minds off their current situation. They shared their deepest secrets with each other, and it was also during this time that Sam learnt more about McKinley before he came in. He learnt more about the whole preggo incident, and how Quinn lied to Finn (she had never told him that bit before), and got to know about the whole Santana-Brittany relationship as well. In return, he told her more about his life, and offered to teach her Na'avi, to which she heartily agreed.

The two indeed did form a friendship bonded under similar circumstance and mutual understanding, and maybe something even more. They became each other's confidante, and Sam found himself able to breathe more easily with her around. Sure they were close, but it never went beyond platonic feelings. They had become best friends, and both were determined to let it stay that way. And so when Quinn decided to confront him about Rachel, he simply replied, "She's my best friend."

But as the days went by, Sam noticed Rachel getting quieter at Glee, and the way her spontaneity just seemed to idie/i. He still hung out with the jocks, but made it a point to look out for the small brunette during breaks. However, he began to see less and less of her each day and he knew she was skipping meals. When he passed her in the hallways, she simply gave him a fleeting smile before disappearing quickly into a crowd.

And the worst thing is, he never did anything about it.

Sam tries to recall the last time he did something for Rachel.

He walks along the school halls, thinking and sifting through his memory, oblivious to everything and everyone around him, that he doesn't realize he's walking in circles until someone yells at him to stop it. He goes straight to class instead and waits for the teacher to arrive as he continues his earlier train of thought. If anything, he wanted the old Rachel back. The one who would sing with him and converse in Na'avi, who would chatise him for his apparently "off-key" singing, who was able to make him breathe easily. He missed Rachel Berry. The more he thought about it, the more he was determined to find out what truly happened to her, why she was slipping quietly into this mode of depression. He wondered why he didn't start earlier.

He was going to save Rachel Berry.

Saturday comes, and Sam makes a quick decision after fetching his sister home from art class. He drops her outside his place before turning down a smaller road that led to the Berry residence. The radio begins blasting an unknown 80's tune and he taps mindlessly on his steering wheel in an attempt to calm his nerves. He doesn't expect it, but it's the first time in a long while since he had felt such anxiety going down this well-worn path. It was scary actually, the unknown. What if she was seriously I'll? Like some terminal disease, or something even worse and...

All thoughts vanished from his mind as he reached the house, front lawn trimmed neatly albeit it's totally mismatched decorations. He stares hard into the window of the house and realize that Rachel's Prius was not in the driveway, meaning she was probably out. He contemplated knocking on the front door and asking the Berry daddies what in the world was going on. Just as he unbuckled himself (Rachel always forced him to buckle up), Leroy came stomping out of the house, slamming the door harshly. Hiram came out not long after his husband, face a mixture of anger and hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I want a divorce."

Sam's grip tightens on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. He stares straight ahead without seeing anything and wills his ears to just stop working. The Berry daddies. Divorce.

"You really want it? That badly?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, whatever you say."

The engine roars to life, and his truck speeds ahead, driver with no destination in mind. He doesn't care that the two men are staring after him, Hiram's eyes wide with recognition, Leroy's gaze simply smoldering. Driving down the dirt track Sam Evans is only sure about this one thing that wants so badly right now. Tears spring to his eyes, fresh and he swipes them away angrily. Those two phrases never went together, at least not in his head. Berry-daddies and divorce were never supposed to be used in the same sentence ever. Despite his willing, angry tear-tracks form, wetting the collar of his flannel shirt, seeping downwards, right to his heart. His chest hurt so bad and his head was spinning and he just wanted to get away. From this world, from everything.

He is so angry that he suddenky realizes he has forgotten his original agenda, and his heart nearly stops as realization hits him. He stops the old truck and kills the engine, stopping in the middle of the thicket. Sunlight streams in small rays through the leaves and he lets the sound of birds and humming soothe his ears. Rachel always taught him to go back to nature when he was worked up. A squirrel scurries past his truck and he watches as it disappears into the forerest before resting his head back against the head-rest.

Fixing Rachel Berry was going to be harder than he thought.


	4. Chapter 3

**Own nothing but the plot.**

**Author's note: Quinn's POV. Sorry for the late post! As always, comments are loved.**

Leroy Berry is sitting in the kitchen, head in his hands, replaying what he and Hiram had talked about the other day, when the doorbell rings. Rachel was in her room, and Jesse had promised to come down to visit her, so Leroy was prepared to open the door to curly brown hair and a set of grey-blue eyes. What he did not expect to see however, was the package otherwise known as...

"Quinn."

His daughter never talked about how she was bullied in school, but of course he knew. Mr. Schuester always took the liberty to inform him and Hiram of who did what to their daughter, and Quinn had ranked first in their list of "People Rachel Should Avoid at All Cost". So it definitely came as a surprise that the head Cheerio should turn up at their doorstep with a basket of cookies on hand. She looked nervous, frightened even, of what he might say to her, but despite the voice in his head telling him to ask her to leave, he opens the door wider and gestures for her to come inside. She nods, thanks him softly and asks where she should leave the basket of cookies she had baked for the family. He takes the basket from her and moves to the kitchen and begins transferring the cookies to an empty glass plate, all the while not looking at her.

"She's in her room, second one to the right."

He doesn't see the myriad of emotions that flash across her face, from guilt to happiness to anger, but he does hear her footsteps muffled by the carpeted floor begin making its way up the stairs. The tell-tale click of Rachel's door is heard, and he slumps against the counter, letting out all his frustrations in the form of angry huffs and sharp intakes of breaths. He silently wonders if Hiram was even coming home tonight.

Quinn was in Rachel's room, for the very first time, and it was exactly how she had imagined it. But the once bright and cheery colors seemed to have dimmed with Rachel's personality. They looked vaguely...unhappy and sad even. Rachel herself was sitting in her chair, ram-rod straight (some things just never die) and was looking at the floor hesitantly.

"Why are you here Quinn?"

She flinched involuntarily at her harsh and evidently guarded tone. She, not unlike many others, missed the old Rachel Berry, the one that acted like she ruled the world. This Rachel Berry scared her out of her wits; because she had no idea how to handle her. Shifting nervously from foot to foot, she took a mental deep breath before pasting on a small smile on her face.

"Just wanted to ask how you're doing."

"Oh really? That's it?"

Her smile dropped immediately. _Why the fuck did she have to make this so difficult for both of them._ She hated cussing, but she didn't care. Rachel Berry was being ridiculous when she was trying to be nice and that's all that registered in her mind.

"Look, I'm worried ok. Just like everyone else in New Directions. We need the old Rachel Berry back and we can't help you if you keep being so distant from all of us."

Rachel simply stares at an imaginary spot on the floor, not looking up, but not rebutting her either. She remains perfectly silent as Quinn feels the tension in the room rise and eventually snap, sizzling into an almost indefinable atmosphere that envelope the two girls.

"I haven't had a girlfriend to talk to in a long time."

These words make Quinn suddenly realize how awful she has been to Rachel, from creating the G-list, to slapping her on prom night; sudden but not unfamiliar feeling of guilt begins twisting in her stomach and she swallows tightly. She had done those things because she was scared; of her talent, of her confidence, of her future. The current Rachel Berry was what she had been hoping to achieve when she had planned those attacks, but she got so used to the idea of her fighting back, that she didn't know what to do when Rachel actually broke. And it suddenly dawns on her, that if Rachel ends up in a crack house, with no shelf-full of Tonys and never performing to an audience on a Broadway stage, she would have been one of the main causes of it. She would have essentially killed Rachel Berry, even if she was still physically there, and would be a murderer. Worse still, she would have killed a bright and achievable dream for someone of Rachel's caliber.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice cracks at the third syllable, and her gaze lingers on a photo frame hanging on the yellow colored wall. It's a picture of all of them, at the hospital with Quinn in the middle, holding on to baby Beth, Puck a distance behind her, tears in his eyes. Finn looking on softly at the beautiful girl in her arms, Tina and Mercedes teary-eyed, Brittany has her face hidden in Santana's hair, their pinkies entwined, Artie grinning like he won the lottery, Mike and Matt giving each other a high-five over all their heads, Kurt reaching over for the baby, mouth shaped in a cooing motion, and her eyes rested on the last brunette in the picture. Rachel's eyes were sparkling, her face emitting a radiant glow as the glow from the hospital lights highlighted the tear-tracks on her face.

"I should be the one saying sorry Quinn. Don't bother yourself."

Rachel is still staring at the floor, her whole body stiff and unmoving. Quinn reaches forward to touch her, but she flinches and scoots away from her, as though afraid of being burnt. She looks at her hand, then out the window, afraid of her reaction as she says her next words.

"Sam told me about your dads. How are they?"

She appears smaller, if possible.

"It's because of me." she whispers. "They love each other, but they always end up fighting because of me and I feel awful."

Although the brunette was avoiding her eyes, she could detect the hurt in her voice at the knowledge that Sam had revealed such an important piece of information to her. It was ridiculous to expect Rachel to open up to her in such a short amount of time, but she had been willing to take the risk anyway. She reminded herself again that this was karma, what she had done to this very person in the past has all come back to haunt her in the most unexpected of ways, but she was going to put up with it anyway. Because if she wasn't going to help Rachel, no one else could. Her mom had once told her that having the support of girlfriends was always more encouraging, so she had figured having her around for Rachel would be a good thing, but her reaction seemed to say otherwise.

"You know Rachel, there are things girlfriends can do for you that boys can't."

Just then, she hears a click from downstairs and the sound of male voices travel up to Rachel's room. Rachel shifts slightly in her seat, eyes brightening slightly as she stares at the door. Quinn looks at her meaningfully, before attempting to continue her previous conversation.

"Quinn, I really appreciate this and all but I think you better leave."

Quinn's face falls at this statement. This was an evidently wasted trip, and she tried not to show the disappointment too clearly on her face.

"I will call you, when I'm ready." Quinn hears as she reaches the door to her room.

"You're right, there are things girlfriends can do that boys can't. But I need some time, if you don't mind..."

She smiles. So it wasn't wasted after all.

"Of course Rachel." Her expression softens at the sight of the smaller brunette looking happier than when she first came in. "Anytime."


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Ryan Murphy, own nothing but the plot.  
><strong>Author's note: <strong>Noah's POV, sorry to all those readers who have been waiting for an update!

Noah "Puck" Puckerman.

McKinley High's residential badass was feeling extremely unhappy today. He had dumped a certain Ben Israel's ass into the dumpster four times in the span of two periods. No one, not even Finn Hudson, had dared to approach the footballer who was emitting an extremely dangerous aura. Puck of course, didn't want company either, and appreciated the wide berth given to him. It gave him space to clear his head and think, something he felt he hasn't done in a long time.

He skips the rest of the school day and opts for a trip to 7-11 instead. The radio was playing a vaguely familiar tune and he half expected the station to change the next minute when he realizes that in reality, there were no tiny hands fiddling with his radio controls today.

"Fuck..." he murmurs as he pulls over outside the convenience store. He sat in the silence of his truck, the whirring of the AC the only noise in the confined space. In the silence, he attempts to organize all his thoughts that were a huge mess in his head. Coming to a decision, he steps out of the truck and heads into the convenience store, returning with a slushy and a bag of chips. He drives hastily to the Berry's house, and was surprised to find St. James' car parked next to Rachel's Prius. Trust him to skip school for her.

He rings the bell anyway, and hears someone rushing to the door. A click and a turn, and the wooden door opens to reveal the jackass himself.

"Puck," his eyes narrow. "What are you doing here? Did you think sending your pretty little Cheerio here yesterday was not enough? So much so that you have to turn up here in person? Tell me, what did you offer in exchange for that trip? One night in heaven?"

Puck feels like he could have punched the living daylights out of this pathetic performer there and then, but he doesn't. _For Rachel,_ he thinks as he takes a deep breath to calm the red that was beginning to seep into the corners of his vision.

"I'm just here to check that you haven't once again smashed Rachel's faith in you, and just to check in on her. And as for Quinn," he cringes inwardly, "I had no idea that she came here yesterday."

Jesse looks like he is ready to jump into an all-out brawl when Rachel appears at the door way.

"Oh hello Noah," and she attempts to throw a smile his way that turns out looking like a pained grimace. "What brings you here?"

"Uh, well," words failed him at that point, looking at the awful state she was in. Her short hair was tousled like she just woke up, and he couldn't help but notice that her clothes hung off her shoulders, shoulder blades protruding a little too much for comfort, with a baggy pair of sweatpants completing the look. She didn't look like Rachel Berry, at all. The confident singer and performer, the broadway star was _gone_. He stuck out his hand holding the cup of slushy and waited for her to take it.

"It's grape," he whispered as she took it from his hand. "I guessed it's your favourited 'cos-"

"When you slushied me you saw me lick my lips before cleaning it off," she finished.

And he was transported back to once upon a time when Puckleberry was walking arm in arm down the hallways, her cleaning out the slushy in his hair, him giving up football for her.

"Jesse." Her voice brings him back to the present, back to the scared Rachel Berry who stopped wearing those dangerously short skirts and ridiculous animal sweaters, who instead cut her beautiful long locks and settled with wearing sweatpants. "Could I talk to Noah for a bit?"

"But-"

"I wouldn't hurt her, if that's what you think," Puck growls in response.

"It's not like you haven't done it before."

"You talk like you haven't done it either."

Jesse bites his bottom lip at Puck's statement and Puck notices that he looks scared, fearful even; as though he committed a horrible sin that couldn't be forgiven.

"Jesse-"

"I'll be in my car if you need me," he concludes and then glares at Puck. "If you even dare try anything funny-"

"I know, you'll put my head in a chopper. Got it."

He walks out, glaring at Puck once before turning toward his car. Rachel makes her way back to the sofa and Puck takes that as the cue for him to follow her. The house was empty, which surprised Puck a little; he half expected at least one of the Berry daddies to be at home when Rachel was like this.

He sat opposite her, watching closely as she put the cup to her lips and sipped slowly. A hesitant smile graced her features and Puck couldn't help but smile encouragingly back.

"I heard Quinn came-"

"Yes," she started carefully. "Jesse thought it was you, but I didn't think so."

Puck smiled quietly at the faith she had in him. "You two..."

"She came to apologize," she looked at her hands clasped around her cup. "I told her there was nothing to be sorry about though. Almost everyone seems to think it is their fault I've become like that. If you're here to say sorry as well, please don't bother yourself Noah, because you have nothing to be sorry for. It was, I'm sorry about Beth."

He raised an eyebrow at her sudden mention of his daughter. "Berry, what are you-"

"I'm sorry Noah. Very very sorry. For all those times I've been so self-centered and...what you guys said about me is right. I'm a horrid, horrid-"

"Don't ever, _ever_ say that again Berry, you hear me? If anything, you have one of the most wonderful personalities. You're the one that trusted and believed in me, and nothing anyone ever says will change that," he said through gritted teeth as she began sobbing, head in her hands, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

He moved to her and placed an arm hesitantly around her shoulders and brought her close to him. She began crying uncontrollably into his shoulder and he let her. She had lost her fighting spirit; thinking back, it had always been her against the world. She gave so much and didn't get anything in return, she was convinced that she had been doing something wrong.

He lost track of time, but he felt her breathing even out and knew she was asleep. He lay her gently on the couch and covered her in a blanket. After watching her sleeping figure for a while, he left and went up to Jesse who was still in his car.

"You better listen up St. James," and Jesse looked surprised at the evident lack of disgust as he said his name. "Just... Take care of Berry." And he walked away, not looking back even as he heard the click of the door to the house.

She might have given up, but he and tons of others knew that they hadn't.


End file.
